'Mum-shaming' of Sophie Turner is part of a problem that harms all parents

• Like many celebrity divorces, the split of Sophie Turner and singer Joe Jonas has been accompanied by a flurry of rumours.
• It was reported that the breakup happened because the Game of Thrones actress “likes to party” whereas “he likes to stay at home”.
• Commentators from Rolling Stone, Glamour, Vogue, Radio 4 Women’s Hour and others have denounced the rumours as misogyny and “mum-shaming”.
• Many mothers (and other parents, such as non-binary parents who are seen as mothers), far less famous than Turner, have had their own experiences of shaming.

The conflicting ideals of motherhood

• Depictions of motherhood in popular culture often communicate the idea that the mother who sacrifices everything for her children is the best kind of mother.
• Petra Bueskens, an expert in motherhood, psychoanalysis and social and political theory, argues that modern mothers are caught between two conflicting ideals of individual freedom and self-sacrificing motherhood.
• Women claimed equality with men as individuals, but the expectations of motherhood remained.

Respecting mothers’ choices

• I’m a bit wary of justifying women’s choices by appealing to the positive effect on their children.
• Having said that, claiming your own identity does send a positive message to your children, especially if those children are girls.
• It is also important to tell our children that mothers are entitled to have interests that aren’t either family or work-related.
• As outside observers – and even other parents – we must notice and be very suspicious of inclinations to judge individual mothers.