Bystander

• We attended the obligatory goodbye family lunch before heading to our car to return to a slightly quieter house.
• A student in his dorm had just died as a result of head trauma after a fall the young man took while extremely drunk.
• I’m a mom of three and a professor who studies social norms – the unwritten rules that shape people’s behavior.
• I suspect the root cause of these kinds of tragic situations on college campuses is the same: misperceiving what other students are thinking and feeling.

Misperceiving that you’re the only one

• The most common reason male college students give for failing to speak up in situations involving sexual misconduct is fear of being laughed at or ridiculed.
• But it weighs especially heavily when you’re an 18-year-old in a new environment and want desperately to fit in.
• Psychologists call this condition pluralistic ignorance: A majority of people privately believe one thing but incorrectly assume that most others feel differently.

Shift what it means to be loyal

• I’ve found that college students who learn that many of their peers struggle with mental health challenges have a more positive view of mental health services.
• The next – and crucial – step is to shift norms about what group loyalty means.
• In tight-knit groups – such as athletic teams – people feel considerable pressure to show loyalty to other group members.
• Being a good friend, fraternity brother, or teammate means speaking up, not staying silent.